By Roman Donik, army volunteer
06.06.2015
Translated and edited by Voices of Ukraine

After such days, I want to tell everyone and everything to go to hell and to drive to the village. Or abroad. To screw everything and to simply bask in the sun. And sleep.

Around maybe 8-10 months ago I understood one simple thing: if I want for us to win, I have to shove my own desires up my ass, as well as my wishes dictated by the super-ego, my opinions which get in the way of victory.

Every trip we see so much scum and whoring, that a hysterical journalist would have enough material to write a thriller, never mind some articles on a site. But I realistically understand where and what I can change, and where I can cause harm without bringing any benefit. And I try not to do harm.

You think that those who write and talk optimistically, that that optimism comes easy for them? They know tens, if not hundreds of times more bad stuff than the most advanced truth-seekers.

It’s just that everyone in this war has made their choice. Whether I am in Ukraine, or Ukraine is in me.

Those who chose Ukraine, never do anything that can harm Ukraine. Even in small things. Even on the level of forming public opinion. They are not fanatics and they haven’t sold out. They criticize and they strike, but only when they are sure of the result. So that they don’t cause harm in small ways. So that it’s only to help. So that, God forbid, they don’t make things worse.

Others use every opportunity to underline their greatness in the war or in the awakening of Ukraine. And they don’t give a damn about anything else, they don’t care about what echo it will carry. Screw the consequences.

I am rather a nationalist by my beliefs. A lite, Russophone version.
But today I am angry. I do not understand why for some people the march is more important than Ukraine? Is it really that important?

I know several gays who are at war right now. I even know a gay couple. First, one was mobilised, then the second went as a volunteer. They serve separately. Fighting. Fighting well. And they don’t have time for marches or for parades.

I also do not understand why the dispersal of the march is more important for some than Ukraine is?

I know dozens of Ukrainian Volunteer Corps servicemen. And they also have no time for dispersing marches. They really don’t give a damn what happens on those marches. All of that will come later, after the war.

Why are both sides hammering nails into a coffin with such joy?

Today, it is like a kid who makes its first steps, and starts to fall, and instead of helping him and holding his hands, someone kicks him, saying, keep your back straight, asshole.
Today I feel, like after a massive hangover. Crappy and with an aftertaste like cats shat in my mouth.

I did not even realize that it would hurt me so much. It did. And for now I do not know what to do with this.

Maybe I’d better drive to the front to clothe and feed the right, the wrong; the gays, the not-gays. There everyone has their “I” in Ukraine. And their blood is of the same colour. And they have a common enemy. And one Ukraine. For everybody.

Source: Roman Donik, FB